p. 143-144: I am the framework for everything that happens in my life. If I cannot be present without resistance to the way things are and ac effectively, if I feel myself to be wronged, a loser, a victim, I will tell myself that some assumption I have made is the source of my difficulty.
Hmm, so apply this to my life: I don’t know if I can. The revelation might be too painful, too real. I do this to myself on a daily basis! I have created my difficulties.
Quite honestly, I need to read this book again, outside the pressures of a time frame. I want to be able to scour the pages, mark it up; consume it. The words roll off the page and land in my lap. They soothe my strained soul. Chapter ten, Being on Board, literally had me in tears. The stories speak renewal of self; something I desperately need; want.
In chapter 11, I love the idea introduced that changing the perspective, changes the outcome. This is illustrated so nicely with the example of the students on tour in Brazil. Most of us would have read them the riot act for going out and then for not being passionate about the performance later that night. However, redirecting the vision brought a new sense of appreciation for the piece and for what they were there to do!
This book has been a breath of fresh air! Revitalization for the future and for our purpose in pursuing this degree. Thank you for the read, Prof. Joe!
Amongst everything else that I have going on, the little time I do have available, I have had to sacrifice my school work to make time for my family. Yes, there is only a month to go, but my daughter only sees her dad once a week, on Sunday afternoon because he works at night during the week, and Saturdays he is usually doing something else. So today, with the pending threat of incomplete school work, I got in the truck and went out on the boat with them. I have to admit that the time spent on the boat was refreshing, renewing, restful. I didn't think about the work waiting for me when I finally got back home. I had to enjoy the moment, since there seem to be less and less of them the older my daughter gets. Her first year of middle school has almost come to a close. The closer I get to not having her around, the more I need her around. I know I could have let them go without me, but selfishly, I think, I chose not to.
Maybe this need to relax with them is the reason I am ALWAYS pushing thing to the last possible minute. LoL
Lindsay said:
How do I contribute to the ignorance about educational technology? Do I write my representatives and school board members to inform them? Do I run for public office myself? Do I conduct in-services and trainings to provide seasoned teachers with the support they need to adequately integrate technology? No, no, and no. I don't do any of those things, so at the end of the day, I am allowing myself to be a product of the things that happen around me, as opposed to choosing to take control of the things that happen in my playing space.
I said: I felt myself cringe as I read parts of your post. I am that person; the one who complains about those who don't get why technology integration is so vital; the one who mocks those who think PowerPoints are a big deal; the one who screams at legislatures who don't see the importance of putting money into technology. You are dead on. How dare I complain when there are many things I could do to make a difference in my small world, other than gripe and complain!
Gary Milton Said: Well here we are at the end of month 11. The end of a very busy yet very exciting time for me. I have learned so much about technology and how it can be used to really improve my student's educational life. I have been exited about the possibilities and frustrated by the lack of progress on the part of those I work with to catch the technology bug. I know that if they could see what I see they would be all about getting this out there for our students. I have grown to understand that the role that I will play in the future may very well be, as the person who shows them (other teacher and admin) the possibilities of the technology that is available. I have come a long way in this past year and in many ways this program has taught me so much more than just a bunch of techie stuff. Some of my fellow classmates have talked about what to do with the degree and many things have been suggested but for me, this was never about getting a degree but more about getting a set of new skill to help my students enter their future. So for me this program has done everything I have asked of it and so much more. The more is all of you. The thing I didn't count on getting from this program was you. The thing I didn't count on getting was a chance to get to know such a great group of people so all over the country. I never thought that I could have such good friendship with people I've never even seen in person. This is the true gift that comes from this new world of technology. I know understand that the world outside is so much bigger and brighter then I had ever dreamed it could be. I now know that the world is full of people like you who all care and are committed, like me to helping students to find their dreams and prepare for the brave new world that is in front of them. Thanks so much for being apart of the journey.
I said:I am one of those that want more to come, but you are correct. If all we get out of this program is a renewed vigor for the students we are blessed to teach, then we should be happy for that. If all we get out of this program is the motivation to share our enthusiasm for technology with others, than FSO has done a great job! I can't stop talking about what we can do; however, I often find my passion is met with resistance. However, change often is!
I worked really hard on my proposal this week. I am presenting my project in November at a Teacher to Teacher Expo for several counties here in Florida. My presentation for that will be more how to do it, though. Not the academic side of the proposal. So, I looked for a few other places that might seem more acceptable to present. I felt like I pulled together a nicely composed presentation, containing all the components required in the paper, while creating a video with the cycle results and interviews, as well as posted student work. However, I totally fell apart when it came to the presentation. I don't know what it was, the pressure, how tired I was, how stressed I am, or how I feel that my work PALES in COMPARISON to most of my classmates. They are amazing and so inspired and motivational. I see them as movers and shakers and me as a leech. I struggle to maintain my work at school, my family, my part time job and my school work from Full Sail. The majority of my comrades seem to float through, while I am drowning. They know what they want from this degree and this program, and I am questioning how the hell I am going to pay it back. I want something to come from this. I will avidly pursue a better position. I just have to come to terms with the idea that I am worthy of this... (Zander is helping with that.)
p. 102: Mistakes can be like ice. If we resist them, we may keep on slipping into a posture of defeat. If we include mistakes in our definition of performance, we are likely to glide through them and appreciate the beauty of the longer run.
What a powerful statement! And what a thing to hold over someone’s head. They make too many mistakes? I have done this; I have been angered by the constant mistakes made by my child or one of my students or my husband or even myself. Every time I encounter a mistake, I freak, overreacting. What a waste of energy and precious time.
What would happen if I learned to embrace the mistakes as a part of everyday life? Would I continue to scream, frustrated by everything? Would I continue to tense and seemingly explode?
Accepting that mistakes are an intricately woven part of life, and that those mistakes are what can take myself and those I love to the next level is a very challenging concept. It goes against the core of my nature. I am wired to go haywire. I have to redirect my energy and my focus and it is not something I can do overnight. It’s acknowledging it in the moment and slowly learning to remember “Rule Six”.
p. 114: Giving way to passion has two steps:
1.)The first step is to when you are holding back, and let go. Release those barriers of self that keep you separate and in control, and let the vital energy of passion surge through you, connecting you to all beyond.
2.) The second step is to participate wholly. Allow yourself to be channel to shape the stream of passion into a new expression for the world.
I find it easy to give way to my passions; it is what comes after giving way to my passions that I struggle with on a daily as basis. After I have gotten a little bit out of my new passion, I am then bored with it. But I wonder, am I really giving way to my passions or just my newest hobby or desire? Passions control you; passions define you; passions radiate from you. Even if it might not be my true passion, I find it hard for me to not let go of controls and connect. I think I often let my inhibitions get in the way of my passions. I become guarded of what people will think of me. I don’t want to let people in and let them get to know me. Because of that, I participate but act standoffish before really giving myself the total experience. For example, last summer I was in a show at a local community theatre. I was only in the chorus; even so I was having a lot of fun. However, I was always aware of my lack of dance ability. Never mind that I was not put in the show for my amazing dance moves but for my voice. I never let my guard down and just danced the show for the fun of it. I was always counting steps and trying to remember what came next. I am passionate about singing but never really got the whole experience because of my fears. I also never let myself get close to the cast. I was older than a lot of them, with a kid only a few years younger than the lead. I just didn’t want to let my guard down, say the wrong thing or look silly.
This week I worked really hard on catching up on my AR site. I laid out the site quite a while ago, but failed to continually update the information as needed. Most of my projects from month one through nine were lost in the crash of March 2010. So, I haven't quite figured out how to post those projects yet. I do know some of them are on Viddler and seem to still be there. Unfortunately, I can't seem to remember all of the professor's names to email them and ask them if they would be able to send me a copy of the file that they have in the system. If they have a file in the system.
Lol I am such a mess...
I updated my cycle results, completed my presentation page, my literature review, I typed the rest of the articles up, but haven't pasted them into the references section. I posted most of my student's works. I still need to fix the interviews; I used the elevator for a lot of the recordings, and I thought the lighting was fine. I mean, I could see the kids just fine when I was recording them. But when I went back to watch it, I couldn't see half of them. I pulled the video into final cut pro and fixed the lighting but then the video looked distorted. Next, I pulled it over into iMovie to see if I could do what I needed to do in there. It seemed to work just as well, and was a lot simpler. Both programs made the video look grainy, but I can't redo the videos, so I will just deal with the shoddy recordings. It's my own fault.
LoL I am such a mess...
Now that I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel, I have found my motivation again. I was literally at the point where I was going to quit, or expand the time I was in the program. It just seemed simpler than continuing to battle obstacle after obstacle. Just this week, I had to call Apple because I could no longer open iWeb. After several hours of this or that, the very helpful staff determined that I needed to reinstall the operating system. Of course, they also convinced me that I needed to upgrade to Snow Leopard. I backed up my domain prior to the reinstall, but was panicking when I opened it back up, only to find it had all been cleared out. Thankfully, I had saved it another place, the wrong place, but when I found that file and opened it up, my iWeb files were there! Thank you God! Something good at least!
